Free Falling

There are few words that can describe in full the feeling of embarking on a journey of this nature. I feel anxious, excited, fearful, apprehensive, empowered, sad, joyful and peaceful. I felt all of this a little over a week ago as I walked through my front door for the last time. I felt all of it as I said my goodbyes to my family and I boarded the plane that would take me away from my home for the next seven months. This time it was harder. This time I knew what a commitment like this meant. This time I knew what six months away from family and friends felt like. Yet, I boarded that plane anyway. 

The last Gerig family adventure of the year. 

A little shy of a year ago I was doing the exact same thing. I remember the entire week before I left I could hardly eat anything because I was so nervous about what I was getting myself into. That one way ticket said it all. It was a step, a leap into the great unknown, free falling really. I was on a mission and wasn’t about to come home before I achieved that I had set out to do. Find out if the God I had “given” my life to was in fact real. Yes, it was a question in my mind. I knew there was more to know, to feel and experience. If the God I serve today is the same as the one in the bible, I want to know that. Not just in my head, but in my heart. I was desperate for an answer. It didn’t come easily either. I had to fight for it. Jeremiah 29:12-13 explains this process better than I possibly could,

“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord.”

Turns out, it costs the same to fly to Hawaii stay for a few days with friends and then head to New Zealand as it does flying straight there. Couldn't pass that up. 

Something happened finally. Something shifted in my life. I felt the fathers love for what felt like the first time. This has compelled me to love. To live a life of love and service as a result of the love I have received. It is a work in progress without a doubt, but it is what makes my heart feel full and my life worth living. This shift has led me to staff the Backpacker’s DTS in New Zealand. Just a few months ago I had said it was something I wouldn’t consider doing. Knock on wood (too late). It was not, and is not an easy decision. I think sometimes it may look to others like an easy choice, almost as though I am simply chasing rainbows and jumping on board any adventure I can. That’s not the case. It is difficult to explain the feeling I have when I begin something like this. I know it is what I am supposed to do at this time; I can’t tell you how I know, I just do. It is that soft ‘yes’ in my spirit that gives me the assurance that the journey I am about to embark on is God’s plan for me. Sometimes that ‘yes’ is drowned out by my own thoughts. Thoughts about the financial aspect, the responsibility that I am taking on and whether I am prepared for it and finally thoughts about the ones that I love that I am leaving behind. But that “yes” is what propels me forward, seeking and following the one who gave it all.